Ding! The elevator door opens. Ground floor.
But before I move an inch, I start to wonder. Wait a second. Am I looking into a mirror?
On the other side of the threshold, I see a single-mom. Two kids. A boy and a girl. She’s towing a wagon. And it is FULL of beach paraphernalia. Towels. Pool noodles. Pails. Snacks. She looks exhausted.
I’ve seen this woman before. And although I’ve only ever given a polite smile, or a quick “hello,” I wonder. How do you feel about being a single-mom? Are you resentful? Angry? At peace? Relieved?
Were you blindsided? Or did you cut it off?
Was it hard to break it to your parents? Or did they rejoice in finally ridding themselves of that dirtbag?
It never seems like the right time to make friends. But I fantasize about asking her all these questions.
Because everyone is SO keen to talk about falling IN love. And yet….when it comes to falling OUT of love, people tend to sweep it under the rug. It’s messy. And uncomfortable. And there is so much…..”oh you poor thing….” and an underlying sense of “thank god it’s not me.”
But being someone who has experienced it myself….falling out of love, that is….I can tell you. The realization is scary as fuck.
But what’s scarier? Is the WORRY you subject yourself to over the repercussions of that realization. How will I tell people? What will my friends think? Will my children be ok? What if I end it, and he turns into a monster? How will I support myself? Will I regret it? Will I get stuck with the shitty Ford Focus?
This fear is enough to keep MANY people in relationships that they KNOW they shouldn’t be in anymore.
Which….in the end….is it’s own variation of hell.
How to take the leap despite fear
And so how do you find the balls to DO the thing that scares the shit out of you? How do you grab your worry by the shoulders and yell, “get a hold of yourself!”??
Whatever thing you are on the precipice of doing. Whether it’s getting a divorce. Quitting your job. Starting a business. Growing your family. Booking a once-in-a-lifetime trip. Or deciding...YES. Fuck it. I am going skydiving.
The key to making yourself ACTUALLY do it? Is to visualize what it is you want. And to realize that doing this thing will get you there.
It is that simple.
Because at that point? The decision just becomes….logical.
And worrying about it? Becomes….a waste of time.
You start to see.
Worrying is like going to the beach in the middle of August, wearing a snowsuit….because you have a sneaking suspicion….there’s going to be a blizzard.
It’s ridiculous. VERY unlikely. And extremely uncomfortable. For everyone.
Worrying takes away your peace. It destroys “now.” And it is a ruthless dream killer.
It’s like the creepy guy from the movie Halloween. You know who I mean. White mask. Walks really slow. But somehow….he always manages to come out from behind the shadows, just when you think you’ve outrun him.
How to face the ghosts in the room
Just the other day, Liam was having trouble falling asleep….scared out of his mind at every little sound.
“Mom? I think there’s a ghost in here.”
“Don’t be silly. Ghosts aren’t real, sweetheart.”
“But I heard….like a…..mmmmmm sound.”
“Do you KNOW there’s a ghost in here? Like, are you 100% sure?”
“No. I just think there MIGHT be.”
“Do you want to feel sleepy, and warm, and safe?”
“Then let’s go with what you KNOW. And choose to think about what you WANT to happen. Rather than what you DON’T want to happen. Think about yourself, fast asleep. Safe as can be.”
This kind of thing? Doesn’t work all the time. But when you start to realize that your reality is a creation of your mind, you start to be able to control it.
We give so much power to negative possibilities. Yet spend precious little time obsessing over the positive possibilities. So why not choose the positive?
The importance of trusting yourself
I was SO scared to get a divorce. And yet, I was crystal clear on what I wanted. And my marriage was not it.
Going through with it was tough. But having the vision of WHO I WAS on the other side of it? Gave me the courage to do it.
It feels like a bit of a gamble…..betting on your ability to bring your vision to life. But if you want it bad enough, and you know exactly WHY you want it….you make it happen. No matter what.
Don’t get me wrong. Worry still tackles me to the ground sometimes. But the more I remind myself to stop thinking about what could go WRONG, and to start thinking about what could go RIGHT…..the calmer, and more confident I am.
Yes. I did get stuck with the shitty Ford Focus. But even still? I’m happier than ever, and I wouldn’t change a thing.